Commuter Pattern Analysis

Commuting is a strange activity, almost robotic and mindless - yet a shared and necessary experience of the modern world. Though no one should have to endure it I usually think that analysis and definition will help the process in some wise.

The mob(ility): The mob, the masses, the commuters.

Stream: The flow of the mob along predetermined paths of travel, usually designated as the shortest possible route from point A to point B.

Fighting the Current: Moving in contrary directions from the mob.

Flit: Moving from one stream to another if it seems like it allows the opportunity to overtake and advance along the line. Results from mob members travelling at different speeds.

In-line: Being trapped in a set area of the stream and unable to flit.

Boulder: A particularly slow or obstructive member of the mob. Usually groks or carriers of the TripTrap.

TripTrap: A pull along suitcase. Pick it up!!

Dead Terminal: The point where you try your ticket at an automated terminal and it doesn't work. You then become a boulder.

Ghost Terminal: A perfectly fine and working terminal that one commuter ignores, resulting in a back log of mob who would rather cue behind a terminal they know will work - rather than try a dead terminal and risk becoming a boulder.

Grok: A grokel, a tourist or daydreaming gimp.

In the tube: Not referring to the mode of transport but referencing Donnie Darko and the projection of the future path. The path one commuter takes is so regular and dependable it is as if they are following a time tube. To be in the tube is to follow the same path to work at the same time each day. Deviating from the tube is likely to cause confusion, becoming aware of the tube is likely to result in a form of confusing deja-vu where one is uncertain whether one is travelling to work or simply remembering a previous journey.

The Mad Scientist Game

Here is my new game. It is a bit like Kiss, Marry, Kill but involves Zombies, which is of course much better.

It requires a list of three people and then the object is to allocate them into the following categories.

Clone: clone the one that would be useful if it were not for their upbringing.

Zombie Slave: remove the brain from one that has something of worth as long as they dont do the thinking, thus reducing them to a zombie slave.

Zombie Food: one will be of no worth other than feeding to the zombie.

Does that make sense? Part of me is sure it is more fun than I have made it sound.

Game 1 - Gordon Brown, David Cameron, Robert Kilroy-Silk.

Obvious isn't it. Clone Cameron, take the brain out of Brown and feed him Kilroy. Badabing!

next time...

See, I have already commited a crime against blogging. Already uncovered some cardinal sins... first being that one rule will not cover it, there are loads of rules which I shall no doubt uncover in future. Just so far, two posts in, and I can see where I am going wrong.

The first post was trying to get around the problem of what to say in a first post. Once you set up a post it feels terrible to just let it sit there dormant and the urge to write something is too great. Of course I could have just said "hello world", I could have pretended it wasnt a first post, etc - ultimately I decided to pretend I had written other more interesting things... oh dear.

Then I go on to write about how much I dont like to write. This now seems like a guy in an anorak, clutching a tupperware mumbling about how people dont like star wars as much as he. Never tell the audience you dont want to speak to them - or use the introvert voice style. Don't write internally but externally.

I will try better next time...

The first post is the deepest

As an anti-social person it is very difficicult to get into the notion of "social networking" and blogging is a fine example fo that. When I say anti social I do not mean afraid of social situations or shy as some extrovert types might conclude of anyone not happy to shout, bray and chortle their every thought to the masses but rather I am exactly this - "anti-social", I am on the whole against being social; I prefer to think inwardly, I detest small talk, I have been described as terse, confrontational and robotic - despite the fact that for the most part I am quite a nice chap. It is all down to the situation and context.

Yet blogging and social networking is a fixed and important part of New-Business models, web 2.0, and marketing, thus I am forced to confront it head on. Part of these problems come from the right to jabber on about my own thoughts. I dont think I should, whose business is it after all. But I wil try to instigate certain rules.

Rule 1) I will not care if I am witty, urbane and erudite. Sometimes I will be curmudgeonly, dense and rude. Some of the posts will be very short and I will not worry about showing off any writing skills or grammatical astuteness.

Ah hell, Rule 1 takes care of everything...

The answer revealed...

Finally managed to solve the multiple burial problem. The answers were obvious, I detailed them when I wrote about how to get free money from cash machines (see previous post)...